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If he or she knows most, if not all, of your strengths and weakness, and use them against you, you may face yourself always losing in any quarrel. It’s like they have a “You” controller on their hands, and they know which buttons to push to elicit what actions from you. The more “evil” ones purposely embarrass you in public or when you are in company of your friends, giving you no respect. Seriously, being a victim and staying as one will not solve anything. Things does not get better when you keep quiet. If this sound like you, its high time to voice out.

Analyze everything that is said. Are those true or false? Are the facts being exaggerated? Are some things being left unsaid? Know whether you really did make a mistake on your part. Once you find the answers to that, start taking action. If it is positive that they are right, think of a solution to that problem. If it is not your fault,it is time to stop the nonsense.

Understand that no one can insult your confidence and self-respect if you did not allow them to. It is absolutely something you can control. If you are always at the mercy of someone’s else rage, it certainly is no healthy relationship. You have to show you are displeased with him/her. Donald Trump said: “If someone screws with you, screw them back fifteen fold.” Well, you do not have to really screw them back, but just do not keep being on the defensive.

In a relationship where you are always subject to verbal abuse, you are being “owned”. In a healthy dating relationship, there must be love and respect for each other. In a relationship without those crucial elements, the relationship will not grow. You will be better off finding someone else worthy of your love. There are people who love you but are fond of engaging in such verbal abuse. In such a difficult case, tell them gently but firmly that they need to do some self-reflection or else a break-up will be inevitable.

Are you ever asked to fund loans, gifts, or an economic recovery package for your date, as if you’re their personal banker with benefits? Ever feel like you’re bankrolling your dating relationship without receiving an equal expression of effort or appreciation from your date?

These are red flags warning you to put on the brakes–unless you don’t care if you’re loved for your money. How can you ever know for sure if it’s you or your assets that attract your dates?

You can create Love Tests that detect the gold rush girls or guys, the con artists, the social climbers. Then you decide whether to let your date manipulate you for money, or move on to meet a more compatible match.

How do you create this Love Test?

When your date starts asking you for gifts, donations, loans or cash, shut down the bank and see what happens. You can do this gracefully, by saying all of your assets are tied up in trusts or foundations. You can say that money issues are a top cause of relationship stress and breakups. And you’d like to experience what it’s like to live within your date’s financial means, so you understand their challenges, pressures and attitudes about spending. You could say that dating isn’t about money, but common interests, good communication, chemistry and kindness.

What are the risks in shutting the door of your bank to your dates?

A gold rush girl or guy seeking the seductive perks or a share of your money may move on. Or they may keep up their sensual or sly manipulations to see if they can break down your defenses so you open your wallet or purse to keep them in your life.

What if you see and enjoy their clever con for cash?

If you’re tempted by great chemistry or physical beauty to marry a match who seems overly interested in your assets, don’t walk down the aisle without this: An ironclad pre-nup.

If this makes your match run, you’ve saved yourself the distress and expense of a battle in divorce court.

Check with a counselor to find out why you’re open to this type of dating arrangement. With a little coaching you may let that old baggage go, so you’re free to love and be loved, to know and be known for all the priceless wonders you bring and hope to receive in a loving relationship.

I think the greatest aspect of our life is to find, sustain, grow and embrace a gratifying outcome of our dating relationship. We have a gift to embrace and express deep emotions of love. A gift that so many of us take it granted. We let it slip away from us and inevitably causing our dating relationship to die away. We need to recapture that feeling and not take it for granted as we continue our journey toward the meaning of true love.

Here are some ways to start and keep your dating relationship alive:

Define who you are and define what you want. Not knowing you and not knowing what you want will never maintain your dating relationship. As we look for love, we tend to get what comes our way. Don’t settle for less. It’s important that you know what you want. Knowing exactly what you want-values, interests, things you can tolerate will start your relationship steady and healthy.

Learn how to control disagreement. Always avoiding conflict will bring any dating relationship to an end. You avoid any conflict to make the relationship work but it will not. Avoiding conflict will build so much resentment that soon; it will explode to a definite break up. Learn to disagree in a fair manner. Understand there are two sides of any disagreement.

Speak with passion. Relationship is built around genuineness. Sometimes we need to voice our opinion with great passion. This will show that you care very much. Your partner will understand and respond with passion. Say what’s on your mind.

Be responsible for your actions. When you make a mistake, don’t blow it off. Don’t make up any excuses. When you do something wrong, simply apologize. When your partner does something special, always express your appreciation. Being responsible both ways will certainly embrace your dating relationship.

Don’t be a loner. Don’t feel like you can do whatever you want in a relationship without talking with your partner. This is one of the greatest mistakes made in a dating relationship. Discuss what you want to do. Maybe your partner might offer a better idea.

Get outside help if needed. If your relationship is in trouble, do not hesitate to get help. Many times friends and significant others can see the problem. Since they are not in your relationship, they tend not to be bias. Listen to them. Most time than not, they will certainly give you some great insight.

Starting a new dating relationship can be both scary and exciting. Many men feel like they do not have what it takes to keep their new girlfriend happy. Author of, How to Be Irresistible to Women, James Bradley knows that with the right information, any man can be irresistible to any woman. Take a look at the following tips so you can find out what to do and what not to do in new dating relationships.

Do not ever talk about ex girlfriends. Bad things and good things should be avoided totally.

Pay attention to her likes and dislikes. Read her wants and needs. If you saw her admiring that purse in the store, surprise her with it!

Never talk behind your new girlfriend’s back or criticize her in any way. Especially do not share private things with your buddies.

Mean what you say because women like to be able to trust what a man says.

Be open minded and willing to try new things. If she wants you to try a new food, movie, or music, try it out. You don’t have to like it, but she will respect your willingness to try.

Do not write off certain things as beings “women’s work”. If she is cooking, help her out and she is sure to love it.

Never be possessive or jealous if another guy talks to her or if she looks at someone else. If you do this, she will get sick of restrictions and leave.

Being part of a new relationship is fun and exciting. During this time you will learn a lot about each other and spend a lot of time together. Make sure that you respect her for who she is and she will do the same.

Finding healthy dating relationships almost certainly requires you to overcome approach anxiety. Think about it, approach anxiety leaves you with fewer options because you’re not creating them by meeting new dates. This is the number one reason why people end up settling into undesirable and even unhealthy dating relationships. In fact, some men are so afraid of approach that they’re also afraid to commit to long term relationships because of the fear that they might be “missing something better” because they never learned to approach and explore their options.

The good news is that approach anxiety is not a natural fear, it’s a learned fear. Anything that can be learned can be unlearned; it’s simply a matter of knowing how….

What Causes Approach Anxiety?

I’ve heard all the silly explanations for why we have approach anxiety, but having a background in sales, I’ve learned that the reason people fear approaching people is because they fear rejection. Fear of rejection, just like approach anxiety, is a learned fear and believe it or not, most people TRAIN themselves to fear rejection by making it a goal to get someone to say yes. This applies in sales and it applies in dating, here’s why…

Imagine yourself running East, what are you running away from? That’s right, you’re running from West. There’s no way to run in both directions at once, and the faster you run in one direction the faster you run away from the other. Now, take that same logic and apply it to rejection and acceptance, the two are just as opposite as East and West.

The problem is that if you make it a goal to approach someone and to get them to give you their phone number or say yes to a date, you’re automatically making it your goal to avoid rejection. So you’re sending your brain and nervous system mixed messages and trying to get it to run East and West at the same time. Think about it, the first message you’re giving it is: “Our goal is to avoid rejection and get a yes.” and the other message is: “The goal is to not be afraid of rejection.”

This is where the anxiety sets in, your brain is being told to not fear rejection, yet it’s being encouraged to avoid it. Avoidance breeds fear, yet your trying to fight that fear at the same time. Naturally, this creates tension in your nervous system just like you can create tension in a string by pulling it in two different directions.

So how do you create harmony and train yourself to not fear rejection?

Going Toe to Toe With Rejection

If avoidance breeds fear, confrontation erases it. Think about it, how do you overcome any other kind of fear? Not by running away, that’s for sure. You meet it head on and you do it ON PURPOSE. The on purpose part is key, and if you make it a definite goal to face rejection and ridicule, your fear of rejection will make its departure. To go toe to toe with fear or rejection, start approaching at least one person (male or female) a day with a request that’s 100% certain to invite rejection and even ridicule.

I’ve found that businesses are a great place to do this. For example, ask your dry cleaner if they sell exercise bikes, or go into a McDonald’s and order a Whopper (that one’s fun). Walk into a bookstore and ask where their lingerie section is. Yes, it’s stupid and people will think you’re weird and you’ll FEEL weird about it. That’s the whole point, confronting the experience of social anxiety and inviting rejection.

The more you do this, the more familiar those awkward feelings will become and the less anxiety they’ll cause you. You don’t have to have a pleasant experience with something to become comfortable with it, you just have to have the experience enough times to build familiarity. Think about it, people become comfortable with awkward and even uncomfortable things all the time simply because they’re familiar. Think of the child who grows up around domestic violence and ends up in a similar situation when they get married.

Familiarity drives out fear, so get familiar with the feeling of rejection and pretty soon the fear of it will no longer hold you back.

Finding healthy dating relationships will require you to beat the fear of rejection. That is, unless you want to wait around for the rest of your life for the right person to fall into your lap and beg for your time and attention. As you know, when this happens the quality of the relationship usually isn’t that great. No, if you want healthy dating relationships you must go after what you want until you find it, which means you’re going to get a LOT of rejection.

So if you’re struggling with the fear of rejection right now, I’m guessing that your dating relationships are crummy because of it. However, you might be amazed at how you’re reinforcing this fear by trying to overcome it…

Why Fear of Rejection isn’t the Real Problem

If you’re feeling anxious about rejection, I’ll bet you $1 that the fear of rejection isn’t what’s actually causing the anxiety. The anxiety is caused by your mind feeling like it’s being pulled in two different directions by conflicting goals. Let me explain.

Goal #1: Get a yes (avoid rejection)

Goal #2: To overcome the fear of rejection (face rejection)

Now, look at these two goals. Can you see where they conflict with one another? Goal number one is focused on avoiding rejection while goal number two is focused on facing rejection. Have you ever had a job where you had two bosses and they were both giving you conflicting orders? Stressful isn’t it? Your mind can’t run in two directions at once and the more you try to force it to, the more anxiety you’ll create.

Not only that, the more you run away from something, the more afraid you’ll become of it. It’s only when face your fear that you start to build courage. So pursuing goal #1 actually creates more fear of rejection. What you need to do is acknowledge these as two separate goals and work on them one at a time, starting with the hardest one…

The Best Way to Beat the Fear of Rejection

The only way to beat any fear is to face it. Again, the more you try to avoid it, the more afraid you’ll become. So instead of starting with the goal of getting a yes, go for the no. Make it your goal to get rejected and to KEEP getting rejected until you become comfortable with it. You can do this by approaching someone with a request which is 100% certain to get you rejected. For example, walk into a tire store and ask if they sell snow cones. Walk up to someone you’ve never met and ask them where you can buy some canned steam. Ask them if your nose is on backwards or if they want to babysit your pet alligator.  

Don’t just approach people of the opposite sex that you’re interested in either. Do this with as many people as you can and make the requests as whacky and ridiculous as possible. The more ridiculous they are, the more uncomfortable you’ll feel and the easier it will become for you to face social discomfort and rejection. After a few weeks of this, you’ll be ready to work on the goal of getting yeses.

However, it’s a good idea to still take one day a week (or one outing) to only practice facing rejection, just to keep your courage up. If you have questions or want more information, send me an email or download our healthy relationships mini-course.